Why keep a snagglefang?
It's a good question!
The Plus Points
- Will eat
anything.
- Will scare
away intruders.
- Accomplished
hunter.
- Doesn’t
bark.
- Helps with
the gardening.
- Turns to
stone at sunrise.
- Lives
forever, barring accidents.
The Minus Points
- Will eat
anything, including your furniture or your children.
- Will scare
away friends and relatives.
- Accomplished
killer; cannot be trusted with livestock of any sort.
- Howls a lot.
- Digs for
freedom at every available opportunity.
- Comes to life
at sunset, invariably in a bad mood.
- Lives
forever, barring accidents.
Breed Standard
General Appearance
Carnivorous quadruped. Solid, muscular body, and large, ugly
head. Turns to a pleasant white marble at sunrise.
Temperament
Violently aggressive towards absolutely everyone.
Coat
Thick, shaggy and smelly.
Colour
White.
Eyes
Green, set on a slant. A vicious expression.
Ears
Large, pricked, usually mutilated
Nose
Black, and invariably scarred.
Mouth
Black lips and gums. Heavy jaws, big fangs and lots of drool.
Gait
Effortless. Tremendous stamina.
FAQs
Q I can’t get my pair of snagglefangs to sit either side
of the door just before sunrise. It said in the catalogue that
they would make great statues during the day, as they turn to a
pleasing white marble that would match my doorstep perfectly.
A Try killing something on the step as soon as you see the
sky begin to lighten.
Q When I let my snagglefang off the lead he runs away.
I’m on to my fifth one now.
A NEVER let a snagglefang run free. Look at our For Sale
section to find cheap and effective fencing spells.
Q Can I teach my snagglefang to fetch The Andrian Echo from
the corner shop each morning?
A No.
Q My snagglefang has contracted a fast-growing moss, which
reappears every morning. Although it doesn’t affect his
violent behaviour at night, it looks really naff during the day.
A Mix a reputable weed-killer in his food. See our For Sale
section.
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| Yergud Annual Show Results |
First:
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Blizzard Gutguzzler the Fifth |
Second:
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Skymould Rippitspup of Vattan |
Third:
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Glacier Widesnarl |
Highly commended:
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Frosty |
Disqualified: T. Wrecks
(for disembowelling the judge) |
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For Sale |
Muzzles! Muzzles! Muzzles! Sniff out our
superlative collection!
Box. No. 101 |
|
Cheap and effective fencing spells. Mimics
otherworld chain-link steel. Don’t listen to owners who say
they don’t work.
Box. No. 213 |
|
Five hundred and fifty-three year-old
bitch, forced to sell by the neighbours.
Box. No. 666 |
|
Fungicides, moss-killers, marble polish,
wire brushes, all your snagglefang coat-care needs.
Box. No. 878 |
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